How many of you have been affected by a divorce or a separation? Whether it has been within your own family or with people around you. Divorced families are everywhere, even though I haven't gone through that experience myself, I've seen close friends of mine go through the different processes of a broken family and I've seen how much it can affect a single person.
Twenty-four percent of people who get married will get a divorce. Seventy percent of those divorced families say that they could have and should have saved their marriage. I don't know about you, but I see a little problem here. Why do people get divorced? For selfish reasons, for the easy way out, or for help, a better direction in life? I will say this, it definitely isn't an easy way out of anything. There are so many steps to go through, and it's even harder if you have kids with that spouse. I'm not saying that getting a divorce is a bad thing, I know that it is a better choice when the spouse is abusive to you and the kids.
Some couples try to make their marriage work out if they have kids because they don't want to put their kids through that confusion of living in two different homes. A lot of times the families work out, other times neither of the parents can handle living with the other so they get the divorce and do their best with the kids. As families do get divorced, it has a major impact on their kids. After one parent moves out of the house, the kids, depending on their age, are confused and don't know what's going on. They then grow to love one parent and dislike the other for what they learn from one parent, or other things that happen during the situation.
One of my close friends told me of how her parents' divorce affected her life. With her permission, I'm going to share a little of what she has told me throughout her life growing up. "I hated having to go back and forth to different homes in different states. It's hard because when people ask why I have a different last name than my mom, I would have to explain to them why. I felt like people treated me differently, and I felt like they acted different around me too. Another thing that was hard growing up was when I had to go visit one parent, I was missing out on the other activities that were happening back at my home. For a while, until I was in high school, I blamed myself a lot that it was my fault that they split up."
Just like my friend, there are others that have been negatively affected by divorced families. There are ways to make divorces not so painful for you and others. Some pointers my teacher gave us for each spouse, first when getting a divorce, don't date anyone for six months when the divorce is finalized, give yourself time to heal. That way when you date again you aren't basing your past feeling on this new relationship. If you date someone who has kids, wait at least a year to go forward in the relationship, it isn't as easy as you would think. Marriage is hard enough with just two of you, think how much harder it will be when one of you, or both have kids.
More pointers, when you marry someone with kids, remember that all of the heavy/difficult parenting is with the birth parent. The step parent should be, in many ways, related to the role of a fantastic aunt or uncle. The birth parent and the new parent, need to counsel together very often to keep peace and unity with each other. Remember, avoid getting a divorce for the sake of your children. Just as I said earlier, seventy percent of those who got divorced wished they would have stayed together and fixed out the situation. Don't make that mistake. Stay together with your spouse, keep in close contact with them and work out the problems together. Don't go to others and talk badly about your spouse to anyone! Be strong, be happy and have a long lasting marriage!
Twenty-four percent of people who get married will get a divorce. Seventy percent of those divorced families say that they could have and should have saved their marriage. I don't know about you, but I see a little problem here. Why do people get divorced? For selfish reasons, for the easy way out, or for help, a better direction in life? I will say this, it definitely isn't an easy way out of anything. There are so many steps to go through, and it's even harder if you have kids with that spouse. I'm not saying that getting a divorce is a bad thing, I know that it is a better choice when the spouse is abusive to you and the kids.
Some couples try to make their marriage work out if they have kids because they don't want to put their kids through that confusion of living in two different homes. A lot of times the families work out, other times neither of the parents can handle living with the other so they get the divorce and do their best with the kids. As families do get divorced, it has a major impact on their kids. After one parent moves out of the house, the kids, depending on their age, are confused and don't know what's going on. They then grow to love one parent and dislike the other for what they learn from one parent, or other things that happen during the situation.
One of my close friends told me of how her parents' divorce affected her life. With her permission, I'm going to share a little of what she has told me throughout her life growing up. "I hated having to go back and forth to different homes in different states. It's hard because when people ask why I have a different last name than my mom, I would have to explain to them why. I felt like people treated me differently, and I felt like they acted different around me too. Another thing that was hard growing up was when I had to go visit one parent, I was missing out on the other activities that were happening back at my home. For a while, until I was in high school, I blamed myself a lot that it was my fault that they split up."
Just like my friend, there are others that have been negatively affected by divorced families. There are ways to make divorces not so painful for you and others. Some pointers my teacher gave us for each spouse, first when getting a divorce, don't date anyone for six months when the divorce is finalized, give yourself time to heal. That way when you date again you aren't basing your past feeling on this new relationship. If you date someone who has kids, wait at least a year to go forward in the relationship, it isn't as easy as you would think. Marriage is hard enough with just two of you, think how much harder it will be when one of you, or both have kids.
More pointers, when you marry someone with kids, remember that all of the heavy/difficult parenting is with the birth parent. The step parent should be, in many ways, related to the role of a fantastic aunt or uncle. The birth parent and the new parent, need to counsel together very often to keep peace and unity with each other. Remember, avoid getting a divorce for the sake of your children. Just as I said earlier, seventy percent of those who got divorced wished they would have stayed together and fixed out the situation. Don't make that mistake. Stay together with your spouse, keep in close contact with them and work out the problems together. Don't go to others and talk badly about your spouse to anyone! Be strong, be happy and have a long lasting marriage!
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