How do you communicate with others? I'm going to talk to you about three different types of communication.
The first is our words. Speaking is normal for us right, we speak every day. In our generation we only use 14% of this type of communication. Words are so important and how they are interpreted and used each time we speak. Let me share a little example my teacher shared with us.
As two individuals speak to each other one is the speaker, while the other is the receiver. The one speaking expresses their thoughts/feelings which then travels to the receiver and they must encode and decode the message. They are then the speaker and express their thoughts/feelings. And back and forth. Here's an example.
A wife, whom we shall call Brittany, is home alone all day because her husband, Caleb, is always working. As the days go by, she feels sad and lonely, wishing he would stay home more often. When Caleb returns home one evening, Brittany expresses her thoughts/feelings into words which come out along the lines of, "Caleb, it's about time you got home! I have been here alone all day while you are at work! Can't you stay home tomorrow and keep me company or do something with me for once?"
As Brittany expresses her emotions/feelings to Caleb, he then receives the message and interprets her words as, "She is always complaining and doesn't understand I do this for her. Why is she always so needy!? She doesn't care." After decoding her message, he returns his own thoughts/feelings. "You know, maybe I'll stay at work longer, so I don't have to come home and listen to you nagging at me every second. Why can't you understand that I go and work all day, looking forward to a quiet night, but no! I can't even get that in my own home."
Brittany receives Caleb's thought/feelings and that is how a fight is broken out. They are both misunderstood by the other. One way to fix this problem is to understand the other person. Speak so clearly to the other, that you can't be misunderstood. Going back to Caleb and Brittany, instead of Caleb biting back at what Brittany said, instead he could say, "I'm sorry, am I putting too much time into work where you are feeling alone without me? Did I understand you correctly?" Because Caleb goes out of his way to understand his wife, the conversation goes a different direction without bickering at the other and more understanding on both sides.
The next is nonverbal. This is the main type of communication we use today. Compared to talking, we use 51% of our nonverbal, or in other words our body language. No matter what we say, our body language can give away anything you don't say. I have a lame example but maybe it will help some to understand. For me, I can't lie no matter how hard I try. When I'm asked if I took something, if I lie, I cannot keep eye contact. I will have contact at first, but then when I lie, I look away for a slight second and then look back. Another big give away is that I smile, I can't keep a straight face no matter how hard I try. But because of my body language, I give away the fact that I am lying.
Another example, you are with a friend outside sitting on the grass. You are opening up to them about something that's been dragging you down. Your friend isn't making eye contact, their arms are folded, and they keep yawning as they look at the sky or people walking by. By their body language what message are they sending you? Do you want to keep talking to them, are they listening to what you are saying as you are trying to talk? What if they had eye contact, nodding their head in response with a sad look on their face to relate to your pain. What message are they then telling you? Do you see the difference and how important it is?!
The last is our tone. We use 35% of this when communicating. My mom always told me and my siblings, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I never really understood until years later. If I come home and tell my roommates I aced my final exam, and she responds with a, "Oh nice." with no expression at all. What is that going to tell me?
As you go throughout your day, pay attention to your communication skills. Seek to understand those around you and show others that you care for them. Communicating is one of the biggest things that can make or break a relationship, which do you want?
The first is our words. Speaking is normal for us right, we speak every day. In our generation we only use 14% of this type of communication. Words are so important and how they are interpreted and used each time we speak. Let me share a little example my teacher shared with us.
As two individuals speak to each other one is the speaker, while the other is the receiver. The one speaking expresses their thoughts/feelings which then travels to the receiver and they must encode and decode the message. They are then the speaker and express their thoughts/feelings. And back and forth. Here's an example.
A wife, whom we shall call Brittany, is home alone all day because her husband, Caleb, is always working. As the days go by, she feels sad and lonely, wishing he would stay home more often. When Caleb returns home one evening, Brittany expresses her thoughts/feelings into words which come out along the lines of, "Caleb, it's about time you got home! I have been here alone all day while you are at work! Can't you stay home tomorrow and keep me company or do something with me for once?"
As Brittany expresses her emotions/feelings to Caleb, he then receives the message and interprets her words as, "She is always complaining and doesn't understand I do this for her. Why is she always so needy!? She doesn't care." After decoding her message, he returns his own thoughts/feelings. "You know, maybe I'll stay at work longer, so I don't have to come home and listen to you nagging at me every second. Why can't you understand that I go and work all day, looking forward to a quiet night, but no! I can't even get that in my own home."
Brittany receives Caleb's thought/feelings and that is how a fight is broken out. They are both misunderstood by the other. One way to fix this problem is to understand the other person. Speak so clearly to the other, that you can't be misunderstood. Going back to Caleb and Brittany, instead of Caleb biting back at what Brittany said, instead he could say, "I'm sorry, am I putting too much time into work where you are feeling alone without me? Did I understand you correctly?" Because Caleb goes out of his way to understand his wife, the conversation goes a different direction without bickering at the other and more understanding on both sides.
The next is nonverbal. This is the main type of communication we use today. Compared to talking, we use 51% of our nonverbal, or in other words our body language. No matter what we say, our body language can give away anything you don't say. I have a lame example but maybe it will help some to understand. For me, I can't lie no matter how hard I try. When I'm asked if I took something, if I lie, I cannot keep eye contact. I will have contact at first, but then when I lie, I look away for a slight second and then look back. Another big give away is that I smile, I can't keep a straight face no matter how hard I try. But because of my body language, I give away the fact that I am lying.
Another example, you are with a friend outside sitting on the grass. You are opening up to them about something that's been dragging you down. Your friend isn't making eye contact, their arms are folded, and they keep yawning as they look at the sky or people walking by. By their body language what message are they sending you? Do you want to keep talking to them, are they listening to what you are saying as you are trying to talk? What if they had eye contact, nodding their head in response with a sad look on their face to relate to your pain. What message are they then telling you? Do you see the difference and how important it is?!
The last is our tone. We use 35% of this when communicating. My mom always told me and my siblings, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I never really understood until years later. If I come home and tell my roommates I aced my final exam, and she responds with a, "Oh nice." with no expression at all. What is that going to tell me?
As you go throughout your day, pay attention to your communication skills. Seek to understand those around you and show others that you care for them. Communicating is one of the biggest things that can make or break a relationship, which do you want?
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